Why I am Against Gay Marriage.

So, it is early in the afternoon here in Scotland and we have a kewl president whose biggest weakness is that he is a little too awesome. This is all fine and dandy; but I can’t concentrate on my work because I keep hitting refresh on my computer to see what the results are for California’s Prop. 8. If this passes, there will be a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and for the first time in history a constitution will be used to limit the rights of a people rather than expand them. Frankly, I say it is about time and I can’t do my reading until I know for sure what is happening with the gays back home in California. So I decided to write this blog entry explaining why I am against gay marriage and why I hope Prop 8 passes without any issues from those damned liberals.

I think that my favourite author of all time, Orson Scott Card*, said it best when he explained that same-sex marriage is not necessary to ensure equal rights, since ‘any homosexual man who can persuade a woman to take him as her husband can avail himself of all the rights of husbandhood under the law.’ Amen to that, sir! I know that that pretty much says it all; but I want to go into more detail about why I am personally against allowing the gays to enjoy the rights of husbandhood.

1. If we let gays get married it will encourage other people to be gay. I mean I know that when I hangout with tall people, I get taller.

2. It is a slippery slope because if you let gays get married you will have to let anyone marry anything. I mean I am living in the UK and we have Welsh people here. Everyone knows that they shag sheep. If we let gays get married some people will want to marry sheep, and what’s to stop that from happening? I mean animals and inanimate objects have the same protection under the law as people do. Our legal system allows sheep to enter into legal contracts, so if we let gays get married we will have to let people marry sheep too.**

3. We have never changed marriage before, why should be change it now? Women are still considered to be the property of their husbands and I expect to get a pretty sweet dowry when I take a woman to wife. Plus we still don’t let people from different ethnic backgrounds get married. I mean it’s illegal for a white person to marry a black person (Chinese people fall into the second objection to gay marriage). Plus divorce is illegal and I know there are some people who tried to get that changed. Thank God we have always had the same definition of marriage throughout time.

4. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. When you live in a theocracy like the United States, the values of one religion are placed over the ideals of another and if you don’t agree with the majority, frankly it doesn’t matter. Thank God we have a government which has adapted the values and morals of a single religion. Think of how crazy things would be if there was some kind of separation between church and state.

5. Straight marriage is more valid because they can procreate. What’s the point of getting married if you can’t have children and raise a family? This is why infertile people and old people don’t get married. Why would they even bother if they can’t have children?

6. If we have gay marriages and they adopted children they would raise them to be gays. I mean straight parents only raise straight children. Why do we want to have more gays in the world?

7. Children will only succeed if they have a male and a female role model. This is why we don’t allow children to be raised by a single parent. It is just impossible for children, in that circumstance, to develop into normal and mentally healthy adults.

8. Gay marriage is not natural and part of being an American is rejecting everything that is unnatural. That’s why we don’t have synthetic fabrics or 80-year-old men taking pills to get hard-ons. That’s just not what God intended when He created the world.

I hope that this list has shown you why I am so fervently against gay marriage and why I can’t concentrate until I know what is happening in California with Prop 8. Come on California, show me the kind of moral character that I know you have.

* et tu, Ender?

** This same election also had a proposition to expand the rights of farm animals. This proposition passed. It's so rewarding to live in a democracy that has the power to expand rights as well as take them away.

Ps. I will now return to my regularly scheduled blog. Sorry for the last few random posts. I will return to talking about my crazy Scottish adventures.

Later days,