Meeting The American

You know when you meet someone whose voice is so annoying that it sounds like Dick Chaney gargling a bucket full of nails and then spiting them at your face? Well, I met such a person last week. We were in a group of politics students discussing a presentation we had watched. We had twenty minutes to put together a response and present it to all of the postgrad politics students and the faculty. Before we started our discussion we introduced ourselves to the group and told everyone where we were born. The nail gargler said he was ‘from America, specifically, the United States’. He went on to explain that he does not like it when people say they are from America when they mean to say that they are from the United States because ‘America’ could mean Canada, Mexico or even Latin America. I am wanking off like 4 imaginary penises right now. Don’t ask me why (or how to explain the mechanics of it); but it just feels like the appropriate gesture. Seriously, who says that? Would a Canadian ever say: ‘I'm an American from Canada’? Ok, that might be a bad example; but a Mexican would never say: 'Hola, I am an American'. Well, maybe they would; but someone from Chile would never say: 'I'm American'. People from Chile would say they were cold. I know where the guy is coming from and it makes sense; but if that is an arrogent thing to say, the only thing I can think of that would be more arrogant than an American saying they are from America would be an American pointing out how arrogant it is to say that they are from America. I feel pretty secure in saying that this guy is a douche: a douche from America, an American douche if you will.

Now you might be asking yourself, why am I wasting your valuable time talking about some American douche from one of my classes? Well, first off reading my blog is not at all a waste of time* and second this is not just any American douche; this is a Rotary douche. You can all imagine my surprise last week when I turned around at the Birmingham Link weekend to find the douche I thought I had left in Glasgow standing behind me. That’s right, he too is an Ambassadorial Scholar and as such, he has decided that he and I will be BFF.

Together, American Douche and I went to Perth (Scotland, not Australia) this weekend for our district conference and you can only imagine how much I enjoyed myself. I will describe the district conference in my next posting which will include, and not be limited to:

1) Geriatric molestation and Mrs. Robinson
2) Aborted African babies
3) Apocalyptic urinals
4) Armoured chickens

*That is not true.

Later days,